Being independent has it's merits. I adore it. Do what I want, when I want, with who I want. Like a spoiled child "I want" is never a task but merely a given.
It's only lacking I have been overcome with in this past hour. I take great pride in being able to look after myself but I fear when I wake up tomorrow morning I will be unable to do so due to an illness I have suffered before, but in company. It's one of the few things that frightens me, along with furbies, and like them I find myself powerless to shut the illness up and simply ignore it. Powerlessness is frightening.
A couple of phonecalls should be comforting though they also make me uneasy and slightly peeved. I know what to do (drink lots of water, go to the doctors first thing in the morning and perhaps a hot water bottle) but having others telling me so reminds me of the terrifying fact that sometimes I need looking after and sometimes no-one is going to be there. It's no-ones fault. This was my choice and 99.9999999998 percent of the time it seems like a positive one. However, this small percentage that I am experiencing is none-the-less agonizing and I wish someone were here to give me a hug, feed me painkillers and fill up my water bottle.
Good God I feel like a mega pile of shite.
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